Miley's 3d house of horrors...

Author: EB | Category: Review | Comments: 1 | Uploaded: 08/24/2009 12:08 am

Miley's 3d house of horrors...

Edward Munch gave us “The Scream”.

Michelangelo tortured himself to paint the The Sistine chapel.
Shah Jahan, out of love for his wife, gave the world the Taj Mahal. I, EB, give you:

“Best of Both Worlds Concert”: A symphony of shriek

It started out innocently enough. I struck up a conversation with a fellow RQ member, and he informed me that he had some stuff for me to review. When I asked what it was, he just smiled. I knew I was screwed.

Fast-forward to a few days later, and this is on my desk:


I suddenly feel like Captain Willard in “Apocalypse Now”, opening up the dossier on Colonel Kurtz for the first time…
Anyways, I had to complete my end of the Faustian deal, so in goes the Blu-ray in the Samsung BD-P1000 - The only player that I could trust to give me as much time as possible to get my 3-d glasses on for the big concert.

Disney must have stock in batteries or next> buttons on remotes. I had to chapter skip/next six times to fight through all the junk. In the plus column, I did get a nice & sparkly, dancing, silhouetted loading icon to keep me company before the main menu. I’m then taken to a marquee that proudly unveils the "Best of Both Worlds Concert”. To top it off, the menu audio is in full 5.1 with rock pop blazing and bright candy like colors. Totally cool! The Main menu claims that we have the best seat in the house. I put my glasses on, and selected my fate, "Play 3d Movie".


Warning: SPOILERS!

Additional Disclaimer: From this point on, the reader of this review assumes all responsibility and damage incurred upon reading stated review. Stop immediately if any of the following occurs:

Slurred laughing
Performance anxiety
Temporary blindness that becomes permanent
3D Vertigo
Auditory diarrhea
Dizziness and/or Nausea
Tingling in large-digit extremities
Loss of balance or dance coordination
Profuse sweating in the buttocks (also known as “swamp-ass”)
Heart palpitations or nasal murmurs

Call your local hospital if you suddenly look like:




Let’s start the show!
The show opens up with Miley doing her vocal exercises. This is serious business. At three minutes in, an MC belts out "Are you ready for Hanna Montana??!", I screamed no, but the fans said YES! The 3d effects can be pretty amazing, but it's double-crossing my eyes like a ‘mofo. Especially cool was the smoke effect in the immediate foreground of the show footage. The 3d dimensionality of the performers is pretty pronounced and fairly sharp when they’re up front or in the back. During the first song, she declares "I might even be a rock star"...hmmmm….Song’s over, damn.

Now we’re back in 2d land, as we go back in time with Miley and Billy ray (kinda sounds like Blu-ray) in a van on the way to pre-concert prep.


Achey Break drops some math in her path on how lucky she is to have the band she does. Next up, a musical director named Kenny Ortega makes an appearance. He’s a 58 year old with a bald spot and a gut who loves to rock out with the band and tell them what to do. When he says "We're going to have some illusional fun with the audience”, no truer words were ever spoken.

Miley then takes the stage again. I’m not entirely sure what the song is, or even if it is a song. The show is now full tilt, with mega-max levels of screaming sparkling, glittering, and “Smiley” can't stop grinnin' when she spots a camera.

I just had a random, tender thought –

Life’s probably good for all the poor kids who got squeezed out within minutes of the tickets being sold watching this. I can't judge the music; I'm not sure what it is. It's like a endless promo for American Idol auditions. If I had to guess, it’s part pop-rock with some pop-chick angst parts, "the best of both worlds". She certainly seems nice, and her fans wouldn't stop screeching support on her every word and whim. They don't seem to know any of the words, they just scream as often and as for long as they can.

With all the alternating 3d/2d segments, I can’t help but think they should have a "Put glasses on", "Take glasses off" subtitle in the concert, ala Spy Kids 3d. My eyes keep getting crossed up during long 2d segments with the glasses on. 24 minutes in, she asks "How many of you are ready to party?" I know, sure as all hell, that I am. She goes backstage to get her party dress on, and then comes back with even more boss dance moves and she’s even shinier than before.

A real fright brews at 30 minutes when some previous concert footage is shown. Scary stuff of Miley getting dropped by her dance posse during a classic cheerleader vertical throw. Kenny Ortega and Miley's mom need to console the megawatt star and let her know she's been appointed not the usual one, but two spotters and any kind of drop definitely will never happen again. A truly profound moment of trust ensues as the new team of spotters and dancers throw Miley to the stars and gently catch their paymaster with the utmost care.


Up next, we get Miley asking the one question to rule them all: "How many of you guys would like to see the Jonas brothers”? Maximum shriekage.

Another disclaimer: I’m conflicted about how to approach these guys because my little niece is in love with the Jonas brothers. I will merely try to describe what I saw, as she will certainly be upset with her uncle if I trash them too much.

Now, things get real crunk with the Jonas boyz show up. Fireworks, gold jackets and ties, the works. Another screamfest ensues and it's total Mallmageddon. I'm stepping in a serious pile of Miley, glitter and Jonas everywhere, and what seems like 10 musicians and twice that in jazz dancers. Their last song references the year 3000, which is certainly what the length of the song felt like. .

Another 2d segment begins with Miley's mom talking about how she has assumed the awesome responsibility of Miley's costume changes, and that she has only 37 seconds to do it.

Another random thought-Miley seems cool enough, it's just that the show has no spontaneity in it, she's constantly worrying about hitting her marks, finding cameras, and rushing to spots before she gets hit with a big pink fireball shooting off the stage.

Another song 50 minutes in pops up, it’s called "Start all over", which I’m taking as a serious threat. They cut to a drummer who throws his stick up in the air, which is probably the best 3d trick they use in the concert. The stick actually looks like it’s flipping right in front of you.

Another “before” moment plays. It’s a sequence that feels a bit like the beginning of Willy Wonka. There’s a group of dads that have entered a contest to win Miley tickets, and have to run a race in the rain wearing high heels to win the big prize. I’m rooting for the rain.

Back to the show. The last song she karaokes through is "The best of both worlds" where she sings a duet with the only person that’s worthy enough, herself! She’s facing a video image of herself/Hannah, the fans are completely going bananas, and everybody’s voices are almost gone. Then, sadly, the show has ended. At least the confetti at the end is very cool in 3d.

It took me almost three months and six total viewing attempts (in segments) to get through the one hour, 22 minutes of this movie. There were moments when I didn’t know if I could make it.

In case you care, the audio choices are 7.1 DTS-HD master audio and 2 channel uncompressed. The uncompressed audio sounds noticeably fuller, whereas the 7.1 predictably sends the screeching out both from Miley and the crowd convincingly from all sides. Regarding the mix, the whole show sounds flat; all the channels were peaking and seem mixed at relatively the same level.

The disc has the standard features like sneak peeks into other Disney stuff, and a song selection sub-menu. Other special features include “Backstage Disney”, featuring “The Ultimate Personal Tour”, where Miley gives the lowdown on how tough her concert days are, starting at 3:25 P.M.!
Another “Special Feature” is “Sing Along with the Movie”, where the lucky fan can karaoke (just like Miley) in real-time to each of the eight concert songs as the words onscreen fill up with magical pink song power. Last, and certainly least, are two bonus songs, mercifully clocking in around 3 minutes each.

I can’t possibly recommend this to anyone. It’s the kind of disc that a kid makes their parents buy, or a parent feels they have to buy for their kid. I’m just glad my deal with the devil is completed.

Comments:

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qc Says:
(Updated: 08/26/2009 7:12 pm)

Subject:
sounds like you liked it.